Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Thanks to consecutive home run games, Albert Pujols is now on pace for 86 home runs this season.

The way he's seeing the ball (when he's being pitched to, that is), I don't think that 60 is out of the question this season.

Also, the emergence of Adam Wainwright and his .54 ERA excites me.  In my privates.

I know, I know.  You're welcome.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Paging Mr. Gomez...

So, Barry Bonds (ooh! His magic number is 2!) is standing too close to the BP cage and takes a pitch right off his freakin' ginormous cranium. I mean, shit. It's like freakin' Sputnik.

(Pause for laughter/dramatics/Bonds-on-Bonds commercial break)

Anyway, he's a douche. Enjoy.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Presenting: Carlos Zambrano

Oh, goodie!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Seriously, Juan.

I'll tell you what: Juan Encarnacion has dug himself into quite the proverbial "hole."

Not only did he fail to cap a Cincinnati rally by turning a double play by making a *routine* catch on a line drive *right* to him on a hit-and-run (then doubling off Freel, who was halfway to third by the time the catch *should* have been made), he also decided to put lead in his shoes and try to steal second.

This blog is much, much more than run-on sentances, people.

His base running gaffes have been absolutely incredible this year. Take, for instance, his stellar play in the first series in Chicago. He got doubled off at first base by Matt Murton's throw from the warning track. Why? Because he was halfway to third base when the catch was made -- and, further, didn't hustle back to beat the one-hop throw to Lee.


So, henceforth, he shall be known to readers of this blog as "Juantino," after my second-favorite free agent signing under Walt Jocketty's usually incredible watchful eye. Both suck, and both play on the right side of the field of nightmares.

We have Juantino for three years. Pardon my French: Oh, fuck.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

WBC: It's just Carlos being Carlos

I'll paint you a lovely picture: ESPN, top of the 5th inning.

"... and that's why I think that Carlos Zambrano will win the Cy Young."

Riiight. Now, here's what actually happened:
Top 5TH B:2 S:1 O:1
Alfonso Soriano flies out to left fielder Juan Rivera.

Top 5TH B:2 S:2 O:2
Miguel Tejada flies out to right fielder Magglio Ordonez.

Top 5TH B:4 S:1 O:2
Albert Pujols walks.

Top 5TH B:4 S:1 O:2
David Ortiz walks. Albert Pujols to 2nd.

Top 5TH B:2 S:1 O:2
Moises Alou singles on a line drive to center fielder Bobby Abreu. Albert Pujols scores. David Ortiz to 3rd.

Top 5TH B:1 S:0 O:2
Adrian Beltre homers (1) on a fly ball to left field. David Ortiz scores. Moises Alou scores.

Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:2
Juan Encarnacion singles on a ground ball to center fielder Bobby Abreu.

Top 5TH B:1 S:0 O:3
Alberto Castillo grounds into a force out, shortstop Omar Vizquel to second baseman Edgardo Alfonzo. Juan Encarnacion out at 2nd.

And what is The Z-Man's line?
1.2IP/3H/3BB/4ER/21.60 ERA.

And what does ESPN's crack team of apologists have to say about this?
"If you are Dusty, you've got to be a bit concerned right now."
"If you are Hendry, you've gotta be at least a little bit worried."

Hilarity ensues.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The WBC: It's AOK

Let's be honest for a minute: nobody seems to be excited about the World Baseball Classic.

That is, nobody except me. Where else can you see a bunch of foreign teams trying to topple the US and Latin American juggernauts? Certainly not the Summer Games - at least not anymore (which sucks for Australia, who won the Silver the last time Baseball will be played as an Olympic sport).

I'm excited for the WBC for a few reasons. Most notably, however, is for Japan. Sure, it's Taguchi-less (he was robbed, I know), but seriously - with the ever-increasing number of J-Ball players making their way into the majors, it has to at least pique your interest. Take, for instance, Kenji Johjima, who recently agreed to play for the Seattle Mariners.

Johjima was an all-star for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks (yeah, you may want to fire up your web translator - that page is unreadable... unless you know Japanese). Now we get to see him try to handle a pitching staff through broken Engrish. That should be fun, right?

Japan should be a real tough opponent in Pool A play. Japan manager Sadaharu Oh virtually guarantees that Japan will emerge from Pool play with a perfect record, as they charge forward to meet the winners of Pool B in Round 2 play.

"Japan's the strongest team in Asia, in my opinion, and I want to finish as the top team," Oh said on Tuesday at a Tokyo hotel. "We have many stylistic variations. We are speedy and play thrilling defense. Maybe we don't have power like the Americans, but we have ways to cope."

If you aren't scared of the Japanese team yet, check this out: Munenori Kawasaki, Japan's hottest hitter, bats in the 9 spot. In WBC exhibition play, he's batting a whopping .777 (7 of 9). He also has three walks and a sac fly in addition.

Holy crap, he's good - and so is Japan's team. I am confident that they will roll through Pool play and make it into the Finals against one of the global "favorites." Keep your eyes open when watching the games -- you may just see the next Ichiro, Johjima or Taguchi come thundering in from nowhere, lighting up douchebags like Roger Clemens and Brad Lidge like Tokyo at night.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Catholic Priest or ball player?

"I have a bigger mouth than all of these youngsters, and I think that puts me at a distinct advantage."

"Volume, that's it. Quantity, not quality. The more you get in your mouth, the better you're going to be."